Jesus Isn't My Problem. You Are.

I would have to say that as a young child I was quite happy. My daughter laughs at me sometimes because when I hear some young person complain I quickly tell them, "What are you whining about?Life hasn't had a chance to truly crush you yet just wait until it really puts it's heel on you." I was very curious and friendly some would even say a chatterbox. Of course some would say I lacked a sense of personal space and that I didn't know when it was appropriate to speak in conversations. I quite often heard the phrase, "Stop interrupting!" Then there was my favorite thing daydreaming and fiddling with my hands. I got teased mercilessly for this at school. I would place my thumb on the top of the second knuckle of each finger starting with the pointer all the way to the pinky and back again. Initially I would do it with both hands and stare out the window content and utterly at peace, but as the teasing got progressively worse I tried to control it or hide i...

     I want very much to get up every morning and not have my first thought be, "Do we really have to do this again?" I want to go through my day with out dreading every human interaction and most of all I want to be able to say the right things to the one person I genuinely like, my wife. So I live daily in constant irritation from the fact that I feel uncomfortable everywhere I go. More on that later. So why would I all of the sudden decide to type out my exasperation for any one to see? Well...because, I am tired of explaining myself and I am going through a hard time in life that just seems to not stop.  It started with my struggles with my own health and my PTSD. It then peaked when God gave me a message I did not want to hear and then it came to a head when I found out that my wife had Colon cancer. I just want to feel free to be who I am and not feel worried that I may say or do something to hurt someone. So I am writing this blog to clear the air. You could s...